He said he loved "actress eyes"
The story of how I went from falling for a perfectly polished illusion to reclaiming my power.
It’s a tale as old as time — the man I fell in love with turned out to be a wicked illusionist — a master of deception. And in my love for him and devotion to him, I mistakenly gave him the power to burn down my life. Every structure of stability I had built was gone in the blink of an eye.
Eyes… they really are windows to the soul.
And he would often tell me how much he loved my “actress eyes.” I took it as an endearing proclamation of just one more of my features he adored. He regularly gushed about many of them; I would come to learn that performing obsession was part of the ruse.
I now understand better what he meant. Actress eyes. Eyes that betray emotion. Vulnerability. A desire to love, to nurture, and give, and give, and give…
All raw materials he could extract, exploit, use and abuse to build his empire.
My story is not unique. Apart from the tens of victims attributable just to him…
I believe there comes a point in every person’s life where everything they thought they knew, is taken away from them. Their home. Their family. Their identity. Their health. Whatever it is… we ALL face these experiences that — in the moment — feel insurmountable.
But no MATTER what burns down… you can rebuild.
And you can make ART from the ashes of what once was.
Los Angeles has been home for so long.
And once upon a time, I truly loved it. That is no longer the case. For me now, Los Angeles feels like a prescription. It feels like a project I’ve been assigned which I must complete in order to pass the class. I’ll make the most of it while I’m here, and maybe someday I’ll learn to love it again, but for the time being, my heart is certainly not in this city.
My heart was firmly rooted in South Florida.
Until I met him.